Catch the inclusive holiday spirit...

A friend recently asked me why I thought her Jewish co-worker was always gung-ho about decorating their office for the Christmas holidays. She said, "I can't figure her out because Jewish people don't even believe in Christmas!" I used the opportunity to tell her about my best friend who is also Jewish. We've known each other for years and although we live in different parts of the country, we've exchanged both Hanakuh and Christmas gifts, celebrated Passover, Kwanza, Id-al-Fitr and Chinese New Year. We both consider ourselves pretty fortunate to have loved ones from such diverse cultures, and who are willing to share their cultures with us. I told my curious friend that her co-worker was one of those rare human beings who could value the traditions of others without devaluing her own. And I suggested that my friend ask her co-worker about Jewish celebrations and why she also celebrates Christmas; and together they might open some minds and hearts of others about the beauty of the many cultural traditions that are shared by America's diverse family.
Although I hail from a Christian background, my elderly father and I were once invited to a Sedar feast with a Jewish family in Memphis, Tennessee. My father had many reservations about going because he didn't know much about the Jewish faith, was pretty sure he wasn't going to enjoy the food and was also pretty sure he wasn't going to enjoy himself celebrating an unknown tradition with a bunch of people he'd never met. Imagine his surprise when - because he was the eldest person in attendance - he was treated as the guest of honor and was asked to read a prayer to kick off the celebration. On the way home from the gathering, he thanked me for insisting that he go, talked about how delicious the food was and admitted his surprise to learn that Jewish people share a great many things in common with us! Interestingly enough, about two years later at one of our family gatherings, when he overheard someone making a disparaging joke about Jewish people, my father was the first to inform the joke-maker that he didn't know what he was talking about and that he should stop spreading misinformation about people to whom he had little exposure. My dad went on to tell everyone within earshot about the “lovely” celebration he’d attended and encouraged them to do the same, if ever invited.
When we have little-to-no exposure to people from other cultures, our brains operate on stereotypes that are usually negative. Our misinformed knowledge-base tell us that "they do strange things...eat strange food...have strange beliefs...and aren't anything like us!" And from there, we mistakenly think we know all about "them" and have no reason for further education. Consider the fact that many of us were raised in families that seldom ate foods outside of our own cultures. Nevertheless, today's children from various racial and ethnic backgrounds would feel deprived if suddenly they had to live without tacos, pizza, sushi, falafels, gyros, and bagels. Whether we know it or not, we celebrate cultures other than our own on a regular basis in the foods we enjoy, the phrases we use and a host of other things we do daily - like shaking hands, wishing someone "Happy Holidays" and offering prayers of thanks before or after a meal.
During this holiday season, take the time to ask someone about their traditions. You might be surprised to learn that they are not so different from yours or that people from your own racial and/or ethnic background have traditions that are quite different from your own. There are numerous sites on the Internet providing great information about the various holiday traditions of others that you can use as a starting point to educate yourself and your children. And if you're lucky enough to know someone from another culture, just ask them about their holiday celebrations and share information about yours with them. Who knows, a simple exchange of this type of harmless information could very well be the start of a beautiful friendship!
Inclusively yours,
Di Versity

From Collaborating Inclusion...

Collaborating Inclusion said...
I think that disability is not the "hot topic" in diversity. I also think that there is fear and misconception about disability. People with disabilities in the workforce require minimal accommodations which is $500 or less. The disability community is very loyal, low turnover rate, and less absenteeism than people without disabilities. Just think if we as adults do not want to discuss the topic of disabilities just imagine how children feel who have disabilities. Is our society really inclusive?
November 25, 2009 10:35 AM

Dear CI,
I agree wholeheartedly! And I for one will be thrilled when we move beyond "hot topics" and diversity flavors of the month. As suggested in my post re: "Dissing the Disabled," the science of diversity management is not as comprehensive as it should be;and neither are its practitioners. Persons with disability are encompassed in all of the diverse groups we focus on when discussing race, ethnicity, gender and age, etc. but we continue to put them in a separate category as if mainstreaming their needs and interests into our discussions is inappropriate. However, persons with disabilities are also going to have to bear some of the accountability for insisting that they not be pushed to the side. When practitioners and companies discuss the semi-safe topics of race, ethnicity, gender and age, persons with disabilities must demand to be included in said discussions and decision-making strategies.

Persons with disabilities have much to offer any workplace; and accommodating them costs nowhere near as much as many companies are quick to offer others in terms of laptops, cell phones, health club memberships, etc. Unfortunately, there remain numerous diversity-related topics we still do not want to discuss. Disability, sexuality, religion and socio-economic status are at the top of the list. Our society is not really inclusive and too often because we talk around what we perceive to be safe diversity issues, there exists the illusion of inclusion. The presence of diversity does not automatically mean the existence of inclusion. Our nation exemplifies this reality. But don't despair. Keep asking the questions and broadening viewpoints and discussions. It's fighting the good fight.

Inclusively yours,
Di Versity

Dissing the Disabled...

A few days ago, a colleague, Tisha Sherdan-Korf - Founding Director and Diversity Coach at Collaborating Inclusion, in the Greater Minneapolis-St. Paul Area – posted a question to members of an on-line diversity and inclusion chat group to which we both belong. She asked:

Why is it that when we sometimes discuss diversity, disability is not included?
The disability community is such an under-served community with so much talent
that has not been tapped into.
A thoughtful question, that I automatically assumed would attract numerous responses. Unfortunately, my assumption was incorrect because yours truly was the lone respondent.
Nevertheless, I let Tisha know that disability is a topic that I insist on including in my discussions and trainings because it impacts all of us - regardless of race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, religion, socioeconomic status, etc. Of the more than 40,000,000 known disabled persons in this country, only 13% were born disabled. The rest became disabled as a result of accident, illness or just age. Additionally, the 40,000,000 doesn't even include the mentally and learning disabled. So when we leave disability out of our conversations, we're excluding a significantly large segment of the population.
While we’ve considered ourselves having been engaged in serious discussions about diversity and inclusion for the past three decades, we continue to think about and discuss diversity in a segmented fashion. If you want to know about race and ethnicity, you are directed to “diversity” forums and groups. If you want to know about sexuality, you are directed to “LBGT” forums and groups. If you want to know about ageism you are directed to “age” forums and groups. And if you want to know about disability you are directed to “disability” forums and groups. It’s disturbing that even the majority of us practitioners continue to see diversity in segments, rather than view “diversity” as a comprehensive packaging that simultaneously encompasses numerous dimensions.

Unfortunately, the word "diversity" still means race, ethnicity and (sometimes) gender to most corporations and even to most diversity practitioners. Think not? Type in the phrase "diversity jobs" in your browser and see what pops up. You may see a few jobs that actually have something to do with managing diversity. But 99% of the things that pop up will be job announcements that contain a statement about the company's commitment to respect and hire "diversity" candidates. "Diversity" continues to be viewed and used as the politically correct word for "minority" which is why so many companies and recruiters talk about "diversity hires" and "diversity candidates." This misconception will not change until we as practitioners change our languaging and help those we are educating understand that "diversity" encompasses everyone - including white people and, yes including the disabled.

As we move forward in our thinking and discussions about diversity and inclusion, I encourage all of us to expand our viewpoints and our language about the subject itself. A more inclusive understanding will end a lot of unnecessary confusion and discord, and may actually help us gain much needed momentum to advance our efforts!

Inclusively yours,
Di Versity

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Di,
Since I'm the only African-American in my office, my co-workers act like I'm the BFE - Black Folks Expert. They constantly ask me questions about my race! Usually, I respond jokingly, "Are you saying that all Black people know each other?" I'm sick and tired of being bombarded with their clueless questions. I've been as tactful as I can; however, one day the sister-girl might . . . Help me to respond in a professional manner, because I need to keep my job!

Hey Anonymous,
Your question reminds me of a scene in the movie Freedom Writers when the teacher asked the lone black student to share the black perspective on the book, The Color Purple. In her head, she immediately said something like, "What am I - the Rosetta Stone for all black people? What - black people learned to read and we all came to the same conclusion?" I'm sure you can relate especially when your co-workers assume that all black people vote, worship, eat, think and live alike. If I were you, I'd consider continuing to respond with humor and tell them that you missed the last national meeting of all black people but that you'll get back with them as soon as you get a copy of the minutes. Yes, their questions are clueless and reflect a basic ignorance about the vast diversity that exists within the black experience. But this isn't worth losing your job over - especially not in this economy. So break out your fabulous wit and try flipping their questions. Ask them if all white people belong to the KKK or if all white people are college graduates? Or if all Latino people are great salsa dancers or wear sombreros? Or if all Asians are math geniuses or photography experts? Or if all tall people are great basketball players? Or if all women are great cooks and all men are great mechanics? They'll get the message and understand how ridiculous their questions are and how stereotypical their thinking is. And after you get them to laugh at some of the stereotypical questions you pose, suggest that you all make time to learn more about each other as a means of becoming a more cohesive and inclusive work team.
Inclusively yours,
Di Versity

Curiosity inspiring braids...

Dear Anonymous,
Don't get upset because a co-worker ask questions about your hair. Instead, use it as an opportunity to teach them something about your culture. Most of the people asking these types of questions are really just curious. Their questions might be tacky but they're usually not trying to be offensive. So take it as a compliment that they feel comfortable enough with you to ask. But don't feel out of place just because you don't look like everyone else. The next time that co-worker asks you about your hair, bring a black hair care magazine to work and use it to show the many versatile ways Black women can wear their hair, i.e. braids, locks, twists, straight, natural, tight curls, loose curls, etc. You might even suggest that if they are really curious about black hair they should take a walk on the wild side an visit a black hair salon. After all, black women frequent salons that serve a predominately while clientele all the time. As for the negative comments, chalk them up to ignorance, consider the source and ignore them just as you would if they'd come from another black person. Whatever, don't let anyone cramp your style or your positive attitude.
Inclusively yours,
Di Versity

Curiosity inspiring braids...

Anonymous

Question: How do I respond to a co-worker that continues to ask about my braids. I work in a corporate environment and I feel out of place, but my company allows me to wear my hair fashionably. I am tired of the comments. Help me Di before I respond inappropriately.

Signed,
Good Hair

Dear Anonymous,

Cute name! Don't get upset because a co-worker ask questions about your hair. Instead, use it as an opportunity to teach them something about your culture. Most of the people asking these types of questions are really just curious. Their questions might be tacky but they're usually not trying to be offensive. So take it as a compliment that they feel comfortable enough with you to ask. But don't feel out of place just because you don't look like everyone else. The next time that co-worker asks you about your hair, bring a black hair care magazine to work and use it to show the many versatile ways Black women can wear their hair, i.e. braids, locks, twists, straight, natural, tight curls, loose curls, etc. You might even suggest that if they are really curious about black hair they should take a walk on the wild side an visit a black hair salon. After all, black women frequent salons that serve a predominately while clientele all the time. As for the negative comments, chalk them up to ignorance, consider the source and ignore them just as you would if they'd come from another black person. Whatever, don't let anyone cramp your style or your positive attitude.
Inclusively yours,
Di Versity

Who's Zooming You!

One of my all-time favorite songs is a little known tune called On Children. The lyrics were written a century ago by the Islamic poet, Khalil Gibran, the music was composed a century later by Ysaye Barnwell, and the song was recorded beautifully by Sweet Honey in the Rock, an a capella group of which Ms. Barnwell is a member. The wisdom of the lyrics is ageless and simply put Gibran and company remind us of the following:
Your children are not your children
They are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself
They come through you but they are not from you and though they are with you
They belong not to you
You can give them your love but not your thoughts
They have their own thoughts
You can house their bodies but not their souls
For their souls dwell in a place of tomorrow
Which you cannot visit not even in your dreams
You can strive to be like them.
I often use this song to remind myself that as an adult, I am morally responsible for preparing the children in my sphere of influence to succeed in their future as opposed to in my past.

Regardless of whether or not you have children or grandchildren in your immediate life, you are interacting with someone’s children on a regular basis. It could be the kids in your family or circle of friends, kids in your neighborhood or just kids who see you at the grocery store, the gas station, in traffic or wherever. Because children are all around us and they are constantly watching us to learn how they should behave, we all have a host of young people whose future success depends on us. Sometimes, when I hear stories about child bullying that involves stereotypic name-calling or other examples of spoken bigotry, it frightens me to think what our children are learning from us. But there are also occasions when I hear about random acts of inclusion committed by a children, and it delights me to know what are children are learning from us.
This morning, I had the pleasure of reading a great story that recently appeared in the Arkansas Times about 10 year old Will Phillips – an elementary school student in Washington County, Arkansas – whose refusal to say the pledge of allegiance in school because of discrimination against gay people has received a great deal of attention from folks on both sides of the gay rights issue. According to the story, Will stood up to a substitute teacher who knows his mom and grandmother and who became increasingly more agitated with him over a four day period, as he refused to pledge as she insisted. Nevertheless, Will stood firm and steadfast, because in his own words, "I've always tried to analyze things because I want to be lawyer...I really don't feel that there's currently liberty and justice for all."
When I read about Will’s awareness, attitude and subsequent action I was thrilled to see this young champion standing up for the rights of others, especially amidst the taunting he’s receiving from other children and the negative feedback he and his family are receiving from adults. My next thought was: who grew this courageous child and taught him to be so inclusive minded?
It was easy to understand why Will is who he is when I read what his mother had to say about him. She shared with a reporter covering the story, “…he’s probably more aware of the meaning of the pledge than a lot of adults. He’s not just doing it rote recitation. We raised him to be aware of what’s right, what’s wrong, and what’s fair.” Will’s family is involved in the gay rights issue, and they are straight allies of the LBGT community.
Kudos to Will and his parents! What a great example of how to grow inclusive-minded child who values the diversity of others and who choose inclusion as their preferred way of work and life! The formula is relatively simple: if you want your kids to know how to succeed in a diverse society, teach them to value diversity – their own and that of others – and to do the right thing, even when it’s not the most popular option. Teach them when they’re not exactly sure what is the right thing to do, most of the time, the hardest thing will be the right thing to do. Children are very open to difference and don’t automatically attach a negative stigma to variances of race, ethnicity, ability, age, religion and/or sexuality. They learn those negative attitudes and all of the negative stereotypes that go along with them from adult role models. If we don’t teach them to devalue others, they won’t, and they will do everything thing in their powers to live up to the standards that have been modeled by the adults in they are trying to emulate.
My Aunt who helped raise me was a victim of polio and for as long as I knew her – my entire life – she was confined to a wheelchair. But I never remember feeling anything negative about her abilities or about her dependency on that wheelchair. She was a great cook and could wheel around a kitchen like nobody’s business. And, on more than one occasion, I remember wishing I too had a wheelchair because it would enable me to go to and from school in style – and I could even carry my classmate’s books for a nickel! She was super cool in my young eyes. Other adults may have perceived her as having a disability but I thought she had an incredible advantage as a result of her ability to be so mobile.
In closing, let me suggest that If you’re ever wondering what’s the best legacy you can leave behind that will make a positive impact on the world of the future, make an effort to role model inclusion - - for human differences as well as similarities.
Author and futurist, Michael Mendizza reminds us that "we touch the future based on how we interact with and what we model with our children." Hopefully the children in your personal sphere of influence see you committing random acts of inclusion on a regular basis. Watch out – somebody with the will and the way to change the world for the better maybe using you as their personal muse!
Inclusively yours,
Di Versity